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Funny Wizard Responses

This page was last updated on: March 2, 2005

There are occasions when players make suggestions which are ridiculous or just downright funny, and the wizard staff finds rather humorous ways to point out such follies.

Players names have been withheld to protect their social image. Player comments are written in white.

Funnies that were posted before the newly added set are below the yellow double line.

Wizard responses are in yellow.  [ m. is Mentos ]

Morgan writes:
> Player writes (in idea):
> > /d/ort/kwenn/public/mercshop: How about making HM shops team selectable? For the
> > discriminating merchant. Profit is excellent, but profit while supporting ones team to the
> > fullest is better.
> I would think this would be the HM merchant's choice, and not enforced otherwise. However, I suspect Ivan, as
> Head of HM, would have a say in whether this was an available option or not.
> Morgan


I believe that the search for profit is the source of pain in this existance, and therefore ban the selling of any item and banish all shopkeepers to the molten island of banished lawyers.


Player writes (in idea):
> Falleen should be able to charm spouses!

Apparently they can or far fewer would be married...


Player writes (in idea):
> Maybe get a message who sent you the cat ?

I have 5 kittens, several of whom I am attempting to get rid of to other homes. I can assure you that if I sent someone a kitten, it would definitely NOT come with a return address or any kind of identifying information about the previous owners :)


Player writes (in idea):
be able to mail cigs to people in jail? :p  never know when they could use a toothbrush or somthing

*waves hand*

You don't want to mail them death sticks. You want to go home and re-think your life.


Ok, so this one isn't a response by a wizard, but it was too funny not to post:

Yoda tells you: The Force has begun to flow through you!
<pk> Player slashes Yoda's throat and dumps him in a swamp.
Player <pk> heh, getting the hang of this rp thing

Ed. Note: The 'Yoda' message (above) happens when the feelings daemon is being reset to add or fix feelings.

Player writes (in bug):
I hate to whine.. but how in the world does a dewback get the 12 credits he paid me for his boots? Admittedly, they were nice boots, but I don't imagine his cash revenue is that good...

As ever, there is a very simple explination for this.

The Dewback with whom you dealt with is quite an intelligent creature, who decided the cash in on the anti beef craze and sell of one of his legs, so although you only got 12 credits for your fine boots, they still cost the poor dewback a leg (im sure if he had an arm he would have traded that too).

However beasts such as this are rare, and i doubt you will find another so foolish.


Player writes in typo:
/d/ald/mon/feylei#152277: "Fey'lei winks at you seductively and licks her lips" Needs a period on the end of that.

Well, I've been trying to convince her to stop there w/o me having to intervene, but looks like I'll have to step in afterall. From now on, she will no longer tease you into thinking there's something expected after licking her lips.

On another note, she'll now have a more difficult time raising her 93% tease skill.


Player writes (in idea):
/d/eich/sewer/equip/derm#20508: make transdermal patches drug like just about every other form of healing does.

Being a fringe culture, the Eichbaumian Union has a very low value for life. These oppressed people, forgotten by the Old Republic and ignored by the Empire have been able to, well, perfect certain pharmaceutical techniques that would otherwise be shunned by so-called modern medicine. They have been able to provide an alternative to the restrictive constants of biology, and they would appreciate it if you would just acknowledge these leaps in science with the power of your spent credits rather than questioning the moral implications of such developments, thank you very much.

Eichbaumian Pharmacist's Association

Player writes (in HM):
we should get a discount on the drink named after us =)

Yeah! But no.


Player writes (in idea):
/d/gamorr/arm/sboots: boots Make these 'small boots' sized small instead of medium? ;)

I might argue this point. They *are* small, compared to who they are designed for (Gamorreans). Somehow, 'small relative to the rather large feet of the boots' original owner' would be just a bit much. Otherwise, we're left with just 'boots'. Then again, there are no truth-in-adverrtising laws in effect on Gamorr...


Player writes (in idea):
I think there should be a report command which when typed causes your character to say outload to other players the statistics you would see when typing hps Thanks for your time.

Somehow, this reminds me of something like:
Hi, I'm <name>, I'm a Saggitarius, like moonlit strolls in gardens, bounty hunters and the color yellow...

Seriously though, there is an hpreport command, along with commands like sense and diagnose.


Player writes (in idea):

Ivan writes:
> Player writes:
> > Eichbaum Jedi Master: give him a skill delay on his lovely resist skill.
> This isn't a skill, it's an inate ability, like Yoda's ability to oddly parse a simple english sentence.
> Ivan

Can he have an inate ability delay? ;)

Player writes (in idea):
How about if you just type honey and it will tell you if your spouse is online? This is basically a shortcut so I don't have to type out finger <my spouse's name> every time I want to check

alias paranoid finger <your spouse's name>


Player writes (in bug):
I was fighting in the arena, and threw a snare trap and myself, so I started fighting (and eventually) killing myself.

This reminds me of a game I used to play with my little sister called "Don't Punch Yourself". She hated it.  ;)


Player writes (in bug):
Horta bin gives the message: Miss bin whacks you with her ruler. However, at no time was she wielding the ruler.

Don't discount the fact that Horta has a secret device developed at the Maw Installation before the inception of the Death Star projects... For years, imperial trainers needed some way to shock and terrorize their trainees. Being the devilishly clever folks they are, they created the most dastardly device to date: The Mark V Stealth Ruler. How Horta came to possess this, one can only guess. Just be glad she did not have it set to VaporizeStudent settings...


Player writes (in idea):
I think these bimms and jawa traders should have credits... what's a bimm or jawa without credits? :P



Player writes (in idea):
How about adding an extra line when you 'sense' your spouse? Something to the effect of "[Person] is dearer to you than anything else in the world." :)

You realize that if I implement this, I'm likely to get bug reports about this not being accurate? Along with details about why so-and-so is dearer to the Jedi than his/her spouse, which I am sure I don't want to know...

Although, the idea appeals to me. Maybe a series of messages:

'[spouse] is dearer to you than all your shoes and purses put together, but not dearer than all your shoes, purses, cosmetics and charge cards put together' (only for female Jedi, of course), or

'[spouse] is dearer to you than your evenings playing cards with your buddies over at [bachelor's] house, even though you refuse to admit it.'


Player writes:
Morgan writes:
> > Player writes (in idea):
> > > Rename Black Cloak, found on Empire to "Emperor's Cloak" or "Emperor's
> > > Black Cloak" or "Palpatines Cloak" or something along those lines
> >
> >
> > I somehow doubt that his mother sewed a label with his name into his cloak,
> > so perhaps not...
> >
> > Morgan
> Hmmm...perhaps Empy needs a pair of boxers with his name sewn into them then?  

Does anyone else see it as mildly amusing that we're discussing the Emperor's New Clothes?

"Is it me or is the throne room a bit draftier than it used to be?"


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